Are weddings all about glitter, glamour and
glow? Sometimes that’s all they seem to embody, with people carried away by fun,
superficial but temporary matters - clothes, hairdos, venues and menus.
The truth is that a wedding isn't just a
big party with a prince and princess playing ‘let’s dress up and have some
fun’.
All that is gold does not glitter,
Not all those who wander are lost;
The old that is strong does not wither,
Deep roots are not reached by the
frost.
~ JRR Tolkien
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| Kalpanaa |
A wedding is such a huge celebration
because its about a couple starting a life together – an exciting life full of
shared decisions, shared meals, a shared bed a home together.
How do you harness that glitter, glamour and
glow and make it last through a long married life? How do you ensure you don’t figure in the
divorce statistics or worse still live in the confines of an unhappy marriage
to the end of your days?
There are a few surprising things to work
on to maintain the overall health of your marriage, and yourself. Some
surprising and some so incredibly simple you may be tempted to gloss over them.
Be
who you are to maintain the glow
When you met your partner you, hopefully,
didn’t try to hide your authentic self in an attempt to make a good impression.
You may have dressed it up a little with a clean shirt or some foundation but
you didn’t wear a mask and pretend to be something you aren’t. It’s your true
selves that attracted you to each other, that struck a chord and drew you
together. Holding on to that person who you were before you married is
important. This is particularly important in Indian culture where couples are
exhorted to ‘adjust’. Specially women. Don’t mistake ‘adjust’ for ‘give up who
you are because it’s inconvenient for others. ’
If you’re impulsive, don't change that to
please someone. Perhaps you like to sleep long after the birds have started
chirping. Don’t jump out of bed at dawn for the approval of a spouse or
in-laws. Be who you are. If you want to make a change, make it because you've
thought about it, not because someone
will approve of you or think better of you.
Your partner is going to see you at your
worst and you won’t have the energy to maintain this ‘improvement’ if your
reasons for changing are to hang on someone else. Best accept yourself as you
are. You’re also going to see the worst of your partner, so don’t be surprised
that they aren’t as happy or shiny or sweet smelling as when you were dating.
Accept them as they are. This will be much easier if you accept yourself as you
are and are your authentic self always.
Be
kind – it helps with ongoing glamour
It really is that simple. Small gestures of
kindness and consideration help keep the relationship full of glamour and
gladness. Gestures such as smiling at each other. How many couples have you seen who smile at
each other uninhibitedly? Only the ones who have a good relationship. If you
don’t smile at your partner it’s a sure sign you’re taking them for granted.
It’s the small seemingly unimportant
actions of everyday life that build a relationship. The husband who makes his
wife an unexpected cup of tea. The wife who laughs at her husband’s jokes and encourages
him to perform one of the many from his repertoire, listening as though she’s
hearing it for the first time.
Wives – please don’t show your husband this and
tell them that the way to a sunny marriage is a husband who makes tea. It has
to come from him - you can’t demand it.
And husbands don’t demand acceptance of your jokes from a wife. Appreciate what
she does for you and do something that will make her happy in return. Each
couple is different, every person’s idea of kindness varies. Find out what your partner
appreciates and do that.
Smile at each other, listen to each other,
believe each other.
Be
honest to maintain the glitter
Being married means there will be many
thorny issues to discuss. Be careful not to change the excitement and glitter
of the wedding into loud, flashy and destructive lightning. Arguments and
discussions are a part of any relationship – they’re actually the sign of a
healthy marriage because you’re talking about your issues instead of pretending
they don’t exist.
You may discuss with fireworks or without, the amount of
‘sound and fury’ isn’t important and depends on how strongly you feel and what
kind of a person you are – remember – be your authentic self. Being honest with
each other instead of maintaining a veneer of civility while seething inside is
important. If you’re angry with your partner don’t try to hide it – they’ll get
to know anyway because they know you very well –it’s better to tell them you
are and the reason why. Remember to be kind and to be authentic.
Being honest doesn’t mean that you air only
your grievances. Be honest about the things your partner does that warm your
heart , that you appreciate. Even if every single husband or wife does the same
for their spouse, don’t take it for granted. Many wives cook for their
husbands. Yours does too. Appreciate.
Many husbands drive you home from a party. So does yours. Appreciate. Wives
needn’t appreciate only husbands who cook. Husbands needn’t appreciate only
wives who drive you home from a party.
To maintain the glamour, glitter and glow
of your wedding and see it reflected in your golden anniversary follow these
three simple rules, to begin with. Deepen your relationship, it should last
longer. Remember.
“ Deep roots are not reached by the frost.”
About the Author :
Kalpanaa writes on travel, yoga and relationships at www.kalpanaawrites.com.
You can find her on twitter at @kalpanapster and @divorcedoodling.
A Facebook page - Divorced Doodling gives relationship, dating and marriage advice.
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| This hangs in my room, a constant reminder of love :) -Roli |
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