Monday, December 1, 2014


Are weddings all about glitter, glamour and glow? Sometimes that’s all they seem to embody, with people carried away by fun, superficial but temporary matters - clothes, hairdos, venues and menus.

The truth is that a wedding isn't just a big party with a prince and princess playing ‘let’s dress up and have some fun’.

All that is gold does not glitter,
Not all those who wander are lost;
The old that is strong does not wither,
Deep roots are not reached by the frost.
  ~ JRR Tolkien


A wedding is such a huge celebration because its about a couple starting a life together – an exciting life full of shared decisions, shared meals, a shared bed a home together.

How do you harness that glitter, glamour and glow and make it last through a long married life?  How do you ensure you don’t figure in the divorce statistics or worse still live in the confines of an unhappy marriage to the end of your days?

There are a few surprising things to work on to maintain the overall health of your marriage, and yourself. Some surprising and some so incredibly simple you may be tempted to gloss over them.

Be who you are to maintain the glow
When you met your partner you, hopefully, didn’t try to hide your authentic self in an attempt to make a good impression. You may have dressed it up a little with a clean shirt or some foundation but you didn’t wear a mask and pretend to be something you aren’t. It’s your true selves that attracted you to each other, that struck a chord and drew you together. Holding on to that person who you were before you married is important. This is particularly important in Indian culture where couples are exhorted to ‘adjust’. Specially women. Don’t mistake ‘adjust’ for ‘give up who you are because it’s inconvenient for others. ’

roli gaur vashihst

If you’re impulsive, don't change that to please someone. Perhaps you like to sleep long after the birds have started chirping. Don’t jump out of bed at dawn for the approval of a spouse or in-laws. Be who you are. If you want to make a change, make it because you've thought about it,  not because someone will approve of you or think better of you.

Your partner is going to see you at your worst and you won’t have the energy to maintain this ‘improvement’ if your reasons for changing are to hang on someone else. Best accept yourself as you are. You’re also going to see the worst of your partner, so don’t be surprised that they aren’t as happy or shiny or sweet smelling as when you were dating. Accept them as they are. This will be much easier if you accept yourself as you are and are your authentic self always.

Be kind – it helps with ongoing glamour
It really is that simple. Small gestures of kindness and consideration help keep the relationship full of glamour and gladness. Gestures such as smiling at each other.  How many couples have you seen who smile at each other uninhibitedly? Only the ones who have a good relationship. If you don’t smile at your partner it’s a sure sign you’re taking them for granted.

It’s the small seemingly unimportant actions of everyday life that build a relationship. The husband who makes his wife an unexpected cup of tea. The wife who laughs at her husband’s jokes and encourages him to perform one of the many from his repertoire, listening as though she’s hearing it for the first time.

Wives – please don’t show your husband this and tell them that the way to a sunny marriage is a husband who makes tea. It has to come from him  - you can’t demand it. And husbands don’t demand acceptance of your jokes from a wife. Appreciate what she does for you and do something that will make her happy in return. Each couple is different, every person’s idea of  kindness varies. Find out what your partner appreciates and do that.

Smile at each other, listen to each other, believe each other.

Be honest to maintain the glitter
Being married means there will be many thorny issues to discuss. Be careful not to change the excitement and glitter of the wedding into loud, flashy and destructive lightning. Arguments and discussions are a part of any relationship – they’re actually the sign of a healthy marriage because you’re talking about your issues instead of pretending they don’t exist. 

You may discuss with fireworks or without, the amount of ‘sound and fury’ isn’t important and depends on how strongly you feel and what kind of a person you are – remember – be your authentic self. Being honest with each other instead of maintaining a veneer of civility while seething inside is important. If you’re angry with your partner don’t try to hide it – they’ll get to know anyway because they know you very well –it’s better to tell them you are and the reason why. Remember to be kind and to be authentic.

Being honest doesn’t mean that you air only your grievances. Be honest about the things your partner does that warm your heart , that you appreciate. Even if every single husband or wife does the same for their spouse, don’t take it for granted. Many wives cook for their husbands. Yours does too.  Appreciate. Many husbands drive you home from a party. So does yours. Appreciate. Wives needn’t appreciate only husbands who cook. Husbands needn’t appreciate only wives who drive you home from a party.

To maintain the glamour, glitter and glow of your wedding and see it reflected in your golden anniversary follow these three simple rules, to begin with. Deepen your relationship, it should last longer. Remember.

“ Deep roots are not reached by the frost.”

About the Author :
Kalpanaa writes on travel, yoga and relationships at
You can find her on twitter at @kalpanapster and @divorcedoodling. 
A Facebook page - Divorced Doodling gives relationship, dating and marriage advice. 

This hangs in my room, a constant reminder of love :)

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